


Oasis

by onekisstotakewithme



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Episode: s04e22 The More I See You, M/M, Mutual Pining, Short One Shot, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:02:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28445853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onekisstotakewithme/pseuds/onekisstotakewithme
Summary: “Just… promise. If you wake up first from this khaki fever dream… don’t forget to say goodbye.”
Relationships: B. J. Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	Oasis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [daylight_angel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/daylight_angel/gifts).



“I used to blame myself you know,” he says, softly, fiddling with the scarf he’s supposed to be knitting. “I kept telling myself it was my fault.”

“Hawk-”

“And it was,” he says, looking up, the look on his face so fragile that BJ knows he will crumble if BJ touches him (the way BJ wants to).

It’s just an instinct- what Hawk would call a BJ instinct- to offer comfort.

“Hawk, it wasn’t-”

“Only…” Hawk says thoughtfully, “I never let myself believe the real reason  _ why  _ it was my fault.”

“She left you,” BJ says incredulously. 

“I used to think it was for the stupidest reasons,” Hawk says, as if he hasn’t heard. “Like my handwriting wasn’t neat enough, or I hogged the bathroom in the morning. Like it was all a pile of little things instead of one big thing.”

“One big thing?”

“Me.” Hawk gives BJ a raw look. “Carlye couldn’t change me, and I wouldn’t change for her on my own. So she left.”

“Hawk…”

“And I thought maybe, you get to see all the rotten parts when you live with someone, only… I wasn’t all bad, Beej.”

This puts a lump in BJ’s throat. “You’re not bad, Hawk.”

“Except.” Hawkeye gulps.  _ “Except  _ that even a captive audience wasn’t enough. Because Trap left too.”

“Because the army told him to.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“Maybe I like the company too much,” BJ says weakly. Hawkeye raises an eyebrow.

“You’d like the company back home better.”

“Trying to get rid of me, Hawk?” BJ asks after a pause that stretches on a second too long.

“Just… promise. If you wake up first from this khaki fever dream… don’t forget to say goodbye.”

“I won’t,” BJ promises, can’t imagine it, doesn’t want to picture it. “I promise.”

They sit in silence, and then Hawk pours a martini, passing it over to BJ without a word.

Halfway through pouring his own, he looks over at BJ, his eyes startling clear and blue, loneliness and longing meeting in them like the horizon between sea and sky, the two indistinguishable. “Beej, can a nightmare be less of a nightmare if it has good parts?”

BJ looks up at him, and answers without a second thought, “Does an oasis mean it’s not a desert?”

“Don’t get maudlin on me, Beej, that’s my job. I’m serious.”

“You can have reprieves,” BJ says softly. “And it helps.”

Hawkeye reaches out and touches BJ’s hand, his fingers rough. “You have no idea how much, Beej.”

“Now who’s maudlin?” BJ asks. He tries to smile, but it freezes on his face.

Hawk ducks his head, and smiles for the first time. “Thanks, Beej.”

“Anytime.”


End file.
